If you only buy one Batman graphic novel this month, or even this year, make it The Black Mirror. Scott Snyder has crafted an epic tome that stands alongside some of the best Batman stories written this past decade. Since Dick Grayson has donned the cowl much of the early stories have been part of what can only be described as an ‘adjustment period’ which introduced a range of new enemies that proved to be hit or miss.
This post was written long ago, published on a former blog site. I just had to bring it over here… Enjoy!
Guys, do you remember an American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby that aired on CBS as a special on February 6, 1995 then as a full season from January 9, 1998 to June 23, 2000? Well if you don’t then you were probably born after the year 2000. And if you do, then this post takes a cue from it… Happy reading. *press play*
Kidz Say The Darndest Things!!
A lady and her daughter were visiting the grave of her mother. On their way back to the car, the little girl asked: “Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear,” replied the mother. “Why do you think that?” “The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man’”.
A man wanted to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water and another in a glass of whiskey. The one in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey died. ‘All right, son,” asked the father, “what does that show you?” “Well, dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you’ll not have worms”. ….lwkmd!!
A teacher in class asked the students to spell plantain. Nkem jumped up feeling so confident saying: “Tisa which wan you want, if na the UNLIPE wan na CHIPS be dat, the LIPE one wey dem fry na DODO, the wan wey dem roast na BOLI be dat. Abi I lie?”
A little boy was overheard one Sunday praying in church: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real time like I am”.
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up I’m going to give you some money”. “Well, thanks”, the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had”. …lol
There was this computer training class for Primary School students. During the lecture the tutor introduced the computer to the class and went on to say “The computer uses an operating system, the most common is DOS and WINDOWS” . The tutor went on “We use the mouse and the keyboard to enter into the computer…”. Before he concluded his statement, one of the student raised up his hand and asked “If a computer has a windoe and a door, which of the two does the mouse pass through?”
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letters back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at the church today. Wish you could have been there”. …lol
Jimoh, (new in England) came late to school and was asked why he was late and with tyre marks on his back, he said: “From crawling across the street when the sign said ‘DON’T WALK’”.
Johnny (4) seemed especially intent when his mother read him a story from the children’s Bible about how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. The following day his mum saw him lying down and thinking he was sick asked: “Johnny, what’s the matter?” “I have a pain in my side,” the boy replied. “I think I am going to have a wife”.
Lisa (6) was asked to say grace when her mum invited friends to dinner. “I don’t know what to say,” said the little girl. “Just say what you always hear me say” said her mum. Lisa bowed her head and said: “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
Six year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church” she said. Why, who’s gonna stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said “See those two men standing by the door? They are hushers”. (Ushers)
Tammy (4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mum knew. Tammy looked at her face for a while and then asked: “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”
Susan (4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough”.
A 4 years old girl had earache and wanted a pain-killer. (She knows, apparently, the pain-killer her mum gives her when ever she has the aches) She tried in vain to take the lid off the pain-killer bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mum explained it was a child proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class “If you saw a person lying on the road all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” Jenny, a thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I”d vomit”.
After the annual school photograph had been taken, a teacher tried to persuade the kids in her class to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you’re all grown up and say, “There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer, or ‘that’s Michael, he’s a doctor”. Added a small voice from the back: “and there’s my teacher, she’s dead”.
Marc (4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”.
It was a very bright Sunday morning and a lil boy was in church watching the pastor singing and dancing with all the strength in him and suddenly, he stopped and said “Offering time” and the congregation all responded “Blessing time!!”. After the offering, the pastor said “Close your eyes for prayer” and the entire congregation did except the lil boy who kept looking at the pastor who was removing N100 each time he says “In Jesus’ Name”. When the pastor was about taking the tenth one, he saw the lil boy looking at him and he said “Blessed are those that see but don’t talk” and the lil boy responded saying: “For they shall have their own share”. …lwkmd
A father came out of his room very early one morning and met his little son watching the television. The following dialogue took place:-
Father: Son, haven’t I told you to always pray in the morning before any other thing?
Son: But dad, you told me to always obey the Word of God first.
Father: Yes, what has that got to do with this? Even God’s Word says you should always pray.
Son: But our Sunday school teacher said ‘God wants us to WATCH and PRAY’. I’m only trying to do the first thing first.
Little Sunny walked six blocks over to his auntie’s house and said “Thank you very much for the present you sent me”. “Oh”, gushed the auntie “you shouldn’t have done that. It didn’t amount to anything”. Yes”, Sunny agreed, “that’s what I thought too. But mother made me come way over here to thank you”.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him “How many woman can a man marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy replied. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “all you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
Watch out for Part 11
(Please insert #NollyWood Sound Track here)
We all remember when we learned the truth of a matter we once idealized. If you DON’T remember….then you’re either one of two things.
A) A suicidal skeptic.
OR
B) A deluded Pollyanna wannabe.
For those grounded in reality….the following observations won’t faze you; however, the deluded ones are in for a royal let-down.
1) Finding out Santa was actually your chronically depressed Uncle Herschel.
I shall now vent and expound. 30 times.
1) I can’t stand it when people ask: “Can I ask you a question?” Really?
2) You know those paper roadmaps? I hate it when they’re not folded back up correctly.
3) I understand the need to abbreviate when texting. Truly, I do. But when your excessive abbreviating srts mkng ewe snd lk a toetl ideut…..then you should just make a phone call.
GOD: Young man, why the long face? What is the problem?
ME: (sighs)
GOD: Oh I know. It is Nigeria on your mind, right?
ME: Yeah (in a frustrated tone)
GOD: Okay, let me hear it. What is it this time?
ME: Why can’t the people of this country ever see themselves first and foremost Nigerians, before anything else they are: religious faith, ethnicity, place of origin? What is so hard in us deciding what is good for us all rather than what is best for me? 50 years after we became independent, we are still grappling with unity.
GOD: Yes, 50 years ago you became independent. 96 years ago, you found Nigeria. But you are yet to find Nigerians
ME: As in?
GOD: As in the fact that being Nigerian consists of much more than carrying a green passport or having Nigerian parents. It is that feeling of patriotism, that burning passion you have for your country that no matter what your personal ambitions are, you realise the fact that it also depends on your country prospering. It is that mindset of you are going to stay together and make this project work to the satisfaction of each and every one of us, no matter how diverse and different you may seem to be.
ME: So why is it so hard for us to achieve this? There are countries as diverse or even more diverse than we are, yet the question of nationhood and national unity is not an issue for them.
GOD: Like?
ME: Take India for instance. They are a nation of about 800 tribes, 1.2 billion people, 6 different practising religions, yet this does not give them headaches…..
GOD: But then, they have made their nation a place of equal opportunity where anybody can be anything. For example, their present prime minister is a Sikh, and that is a religious minority
ME: Okay, what of Tanzania? An African country like we are, 150 tribes, 2 major religions evenly divided amongst the people just like Nigeria, yet they have crossed the divide.
GOD: First, they have a common language – Swahili, plus they also made it a place of equal opportunity. Both countries you have made mention of have made conscious efforts to make their countries places where anybody could be anything he or she wanted to be, as long as he worked at it. Any more examples you want to give me?
ME: But God, can’t we just pray to you and you make this happen? After all, we are a very religious nation.
GOD: (laughs derisively) Young man, I am not Nigerian. As much as I want to help you out of your quagmire, you must also be willing to get yourself out.
ME: So what is the way out?
GOD: First, you have to get leadership that will point you in that direction. And that is what you lack.
ME: But we have leaders!! What happened to all the people we have elected? They are leaders and….
GOD: (interrupts) Their being political office holders doesn’t make them leaders. Leadership is not about positions. It is about influence. As a matter of fact, they benefit the most from this present situation as that is their only route to elective office. And that is why they stoke the embers of religious sentiments, ethnic bias, regionalism, etc, all your politicians and rich people. And in case you never knew, when the rich wage war, it is the poor who die.
ME: So what you are saying is we do not need people in positions of authority to unite us?
GOD: Exactly!! Now you get my drift. I’m not just looking for one man. I’m looking for a people: young, aggressive, hungry for change, fed up with the status quo, willing to risk everything and step out. That is the people your country needs to make the change. And that is the answer to all your prayers.
ME: But where are we going to find these people? Our young people are becoming increasingly apolitical every day, because they are frustrated at being ignored and being told they are not ready to lead the country
GOD: These young people are right there amongst you. They are there in the universities and higher institutions. They are there in the private sector, working for companies or for themselves. They are the same young people that have placed your country on the world map of music and movies, when the government didn’t even know what they were doing. These are the same young people that can bring succour to a nation that is in dire need of unity and cohesion.
ME: O God, I don’t know about that….
GOD: Listen to me. When I wanted to move in Ukraine, I had to wait until the young people decided they were ready. I have wanted to do this in Iran for a long time, but not until the young people there said “Enough!” and presented themselves as willing tools before me. And so it has been with Nigeria too. I’ve wanted to make my move here for a long, long time. But you have to decide for yourself how bad you want change. Only then will I be able to make this happen. Yes, I can answer this prayer, but I need the channels to push the answer through. The young people of Nigeria are the channel.
This is the verdict – for a positive change in Nigeria’s unity and national spirit, I need a nation that needs it so bad that they wouldn’t stop at anything until they got it.
We pray for miracles, but we work for results
St. Anthony
NIGERIA: UNITED
The Spirit Of A Nation
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional.”
Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do! you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers.
Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
