Leave a comment

Kidz Say The Darndest Things!!

This post was written long ago, published on a former blog site. I just had to bring it over here… Enjoy!

Guys, do you remember an American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby that aired on CBS as a special on February 6, 1995 then as a full season from January 9, 1998 to June 23, 2000? Well if you don’t then you were probably born after the year 2000. And if you do, then this post takes a cue from it… Happy reading. *press play*

Kidz Say The Darndest Things!!

A lady and her daughter were visiting the grave of her mother. On their way back to the car, the little girl asked: “Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear,” replied the mother. “Why do you think that?” “The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man'”.

A man wanted to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water and another in a glass of whiskey. The one in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey died. ‘All right, son,” asked the father, “what does that show you?” “Well, dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you’ll not have worms”. ….lwkmd!!

A teacher in class asked the students to spell plantain. Nkem jumped up feeling so confident saying: “Tisa which wan you want, if na the UNLIPE wan na CHIPS be dat, the LIPE one wey dem fry na DODO, the wan wey dem roast na BOLI be dat. Abi I lie?”

A little boy was overheard one Sunday praying in church: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real time like I am”.

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up I’m going to give you some money”. “Well, thanks”, the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had”. …lol

There was this computer training class for Primary School students. During the lecture the tutor introduced the computer to the class and went on to say “The computer uses an operating system, the most common is DOS and WINDOWS” . The tutor went on “We use the mouse and the keyboard to enter into the computer…”. Before he concluded his statement, one of the student raised up his hand and asked “If a computer has a windoe and a door, which of the two does the mouse pass through?”

A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letters back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at the church today. Wish you could have been there”. …lol

Jimoh, (new in England) came late to school and was asked why he was late and with tyre marks on his back, he said: “From crawling across the street when the sign said ‘DON’T WALK'”.

Johnny (4) seemed especially intent when his mother read him a story from the children’s Bible about how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. The following day his mum saw him lying down and thinking he was sick asked: “Johnny, what’s the matter?” “I have a pain in my side,” the boy replied. “I think I am going to have a wife”.

Lisa (6) was asked to say grace when her mum invited friends to dinner. “I don’t know what to say,” said the little girl. “Just say what you always hear me say” said her mum. Lisa bowed her head and said: “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

Six year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church” she said. Why, who’s gonna stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said “See those two men standing by the door? They are hushers”. (Ushers)

Tammy (4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mum knew. Tammy looked at her face for a while and then asked: “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

Susan (4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough”.

A 4 years old girl had earache and wanted a pain-killer. (She knows, apparently, the pain-killer her mum gives her when ever she has the aches) She tried in vain to take the lid off the pain-killer bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mum explained it was a child proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class “If you saw a person lying on the road all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” Jenny, a thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I”d vomit”.

After the annual school photograph had been taken, a teacher tried to persuade the kids in her class to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you’re all grown up and say, “There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer, or ‘that’s Michael, he’s a doctor”. Added a small voice from the back: “and there’s my teacher, she’s dead”.

Marc (4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”.

It was a very bright Sunday morning and a lil boy was in church watching the pastor singing and dancing with all the strength in him and suddenly, he stopped and said “Offering time” and the congregation all responded “Blessing time!!”. After the offering, the pastor said “Close your eyes for prayer” and the entire congregation did except the lil boy who kept looking at the pastor who was removing N100 each time he says “In Jesus’ Name”. When the pastor was about taking the tenth one, he saw the lil boy looking at him and he said “Blessed are those that see but don’t talk” and the lil boy responded saying: “For they shall have their own share”. …lwkmd

A father came out of his room very early one morning and met his little son watching the television. The following dialogue took place:-
Father: Son, haven’t I told you to always pray in the morning before any other thing?
Son: But dad, you told me to always obey the Word of God first.
Father: Yes, what has that got to do with this? Even God’s Word says you should always pray.
Son: But our Sunday school teacher said ‘God wants us to WATCH and PRAY’. I’m only trying to do the first thing first.

Little Sunny walked six blocks over to his auntie’s house and said “Thank you very much for the present you sent me”. “Oh”, gushed the auntie “you shouldn’t have done that. It didn’t amount to anything”. Yes”, Sunny agreed, “that’s what I thought too. But mother made me come way over here to thank you”.

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him “How many woman can a man marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy replied. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “all you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

Watch out for Part 11

(Please insert #NollyWood Sound Track here)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: